I find myself wanting to lash out. As a part of this human race, I feel violated by the likes of "not my president frump" and his cronies….I feel like just dumping a load of excrement on those who aided in getting him elected. I start an angry post on Facebook and inevitably I erase it before I open the galleys of a "shit storm"…I feel a bit helpless…as if all this turmoil that I witness is "out there" somewhere…this morning…here in the dark…as a kitty crawls across my lap as I type…..I remind myself: To Bring it All Back Home…have a good look at my anger…how is this anger serving me?…is this anger an honest gesture?…is this anger just the result of helplessness? It is important for me as a man to sit with this and watch this internal event in my consciousness. I feel compelled to express this…I find myself confused…lashing out only drags me down to un-needed strife…I shall stay tuned….and listen…and wait…two inches below my navel…the emptiness…the Buddha Nature….neither this nor that….just this…..nothing….no…thing….
I had the opportunity to introduce a film about the Grateful Dead last evening for the Guanajuato International Film Festival. Beforehand a new friend asked at dinner what song from their catalog did I wish to hear the most…being an old timer and not really a Dead Head (Not at all)….I am partial to their first album which was such a hallmark for me 50 years ago and especially the song "Morning Dew"…I replied that I wanted to have a listen to that old classic song one more time…sure enough…I got to hear this most divine version…but ultimately…I guess it doesn't matter anyway…however, Jerry transcended on this version…and in my book…that matters anyway….
Some folks believe that I am this druggie hippie artist….I was a stoned hippie 50 years ago…Times have progressed and moved on…I feel that sometimes I have been unfairly culturally profiled…as Richard once exclaimed to a guy trying to sell us "blow" in Oaxaca…"who do you think we are? Cheech and Chong?"…….As I sail through these years…I find comfort in this Mystery of Persona wrapped around my soul-ness…my Such-ness…Because of the way that I have allowed the cards to fall…I have left myself open to speculation…There is an odd art form in being the object of speculation…The trick is to turn it into the Subject of Mystery and Lore…"To Live Mythically and in Depth" as a friend once said years ago in New York…So, Dear Readers, the same question will continue to stir my heart beat…will tug at my sense of wonder….Who am I? Who am I?…The beat celebrates and continues…..the beat…the beat…
Everyone seems to be posting on Social Media about Obama or Hillary and the mistakes they made in the past election…Democrats were bad for democrats across the board…Bernie and Jill Stein (Green) included…..Bernie gave it a shot but waited to the last couple of years to truly go for it…the democrats should have been grooming a successor 5 years ago…..we all point the finger but ultimately the finger points back to us as individuals……myself included…one of those who experienced the 60's…some of us sold our souls for the comfort and illusion of the American Dream…..Maybe the Dream needs to be analyzed…..or maybe the Dream is over…..the fact that Donald Trump will soon be the President of the US is very horrific…we all need to wake up and quit treading water in this horrible mess….as we used to say during the early days of Gay Liberation, "Out of the Closets and into the Streets"….we need to abandon the comfort of our individual closets and take it to the guts of the Republican fools…..OUT OF THE CLOSETS AND INTO THE STREETS!!!!!!!
…around the Late Spring of 1978 I finally achieved my rock bottom….I was a bundle of depressed hysteria fueled by drugs, sex and alcohol… I was playing out my drama for a small nebulous audience under the guise of an "artist/poet". A string of serendipitous circumstances led me out of my guttural niche and I found myself bowing at the feet of a mysterious man in India who gave me the name Anado. In hindsight, I believe I was afforded the opportunity of a newer "spiritual" identity to heal the troubles that surrounded my True Nature. Anado is a Sanskrit word implying "No Sound" or "Silence". I believe that I was given the name as a clue and for 38 years or so I have followed the clue. That mysterious man was known as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh when I met him. I stayed close to his side for 11 or so years. Towards the end of my stay in his Community I began to feel the need to be less attached to this particular teacher and to move forward on my own…A friend once likened this process as getting rid of the training wheels and riding the bike alone balanced on two wheels. What a profound experience it is to occasionally experience that balance within…I can say in all honesty that the experience of balance is less in the forefront of my Journey and my stumbling personality seems to be leading the way most of the time…But those glimpses…those opportunities of true balance are a constant reminder…a carrot hanging in front of me. Today as an artist…I still seek that silent bond with the creative force…there is still so much to learn…not about a product or finished work…it is about the process and the relaxation of just doing the work…riding the wave…the artist Marina Abromovic has expressed,
"An artist has to understand silence
An artist has to create a space for silence to enter his work
Silence is like an island in the middle of a turbulent ocean"
It is a matter of returning for me to find that Silence…returning to the Source…bowing at the Feet of my own True Nature…knowing which way the wind blows…….