…back in the 70's while living in New York and impersonating a ball bearing in an outlaw pin ball machine…I had some brushes and fascinations with darkness and death…it seemed like the thing to do at the time…but honestly (as I knew then)…it was just a mask that I wore…I am lucky to be able to observe that period in hindsight now…I have made it this far. Today I bought the book "Fire in the Belly" on Kindle…The author Cynthia Carr chronicles the life of an old running mate named David Wojnarowicz…he had achieved some fame for his art and writing. I have mentioned him before in this blog. But what I met tonight in reading about David touched me because in many ways…he and I were doing a lot of the same things and our flirtations in those days were tickled by dangerous hairs. David died of AIDS…his spirit has moved on. He has passed into all that is Mysterious. I am facing life in the mirror. I have survived my follies…hopefully it has made me a better man. Another man…who I did not know that well has passed recently. We had been Sannyasins together with Osho/Bhagwan….Tonight I looked at photos that his lover had posted to honor his Singular Life…I felt a gentle sorrow coupled with a sweetness…quiet and nameless….I hope to find that Silence and undefined stillness…….I have glimpses…in many ways Death does come dancing…how do we choose to Dance in that moment? Did David relax into the stillness…did he get past the darkness? Was there a quiet light? Did I project all my definitions and not knowing on these two passings?…It brings up a lot for me…it is good to check in…I am grateful for this Day!
You are beautiful dear brother of the Heart.
susan in GDL says
“how do we choose to dance in that moment” That’s an image I will keep forever. Thank you for these words. It’s so wonderful to hear someone talk about the losses we older folks are experiencing and will one day experience ourselves. I too want to dance in that moment..